


You Don't Own Me

by kageyama_drama



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: (KAGEHINA IS ENDGAME BTW), Abusive Relationships, Alternate Universe - College/University, Bisexual Hinata Shouyou, Canon Compliant, College, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Future Fic, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining Kageyama Tobio, They still play volleyball, University, the tags kinda make kags seem like the abusive bf but i would neVER
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-07
Updated: 2017-02-12
Packaged: 2018-09-22 15:40:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9614552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kageyama_drama/pseuds/kageyama_drama
Summary: Hinata was a sunflower in a field of weeds. Sunshine followed him everywhere he went - the wind couldn’t blow him over.But no matter how beautiful the weather, the sky couldn’t stay bright forever.His 20th year of life was when the clouds darkened, the rain crashed down, and the sunshine disappeared.Even the strongest, brightest sunflowers can wilt.~aka - the story where hinata hasn't played volleyball since high school and his boyfriend can't stand his loud, boisterous personality.he joins his university's team to find that he and kageyama have been going to the same college this whole time?? ?as they reconnect via their favorite sport, hinata starts to think that maybe it's okay to be happy after all.(WARNING FOR FUTURE CHAPTERS - this story is going to focus on an abusive relationship which will delve into fairly detailed descriptions of physical and emotional abuse.if any of those things trigger you, please don't read further.)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> eyyy kageyama-drama back at it again, starting yet another chaptered fic!! (i legit have this one all planned out already though so there's no way i'm abandoning it lmao don't kill me)
> 
> fair warning - i'm writing this entirely for myself as a kind of weird therapy?? i guess?  
> it is based on very real events that have happened to me so i'm very much connected with this plot. i hope those who read this can enjoy this fic and handle it until the end but i sincerely hope none of you can relate to the content.

Hinata was a sunflower in a field of weeds. Sunshine followed him everywhere he went; the wind couldn’t blow him over.

But no matter how beautiful the weather, the sky couldn’t stay bright forever. His 20th year of life was when the clouds darkened, the rain crashed down, and the sunshine disappeared. Even the strongest, brightest sunflowers can wilt.

 ~

Hinata met Amaya at a party during his freshman year of college.

“You have such a beautiful smile,” Amaya gushed in Hinata’s direction, a red cup in one hand and Hinata’s shoulder under the other. Hinata had been instantly enamored by the dark haired, blue-eyed stranger; no one had ever caught Hinata’s eye quite like this guy had.

 _Well_ , Hinata thought to himself, _that wasn’t entirely true_.

A more realistic explanation would’ve been that his past romantic interests had never aligned with someone else’s. Sure, he had a _major_ crush on a _particular_ person in high school, but it never went anywhere and then they graduated – simple as that. Don’t get him wrong, he had been the focus of many (male and female) crushes in the past, but none of those options caused him butterflies.

_“You have such a beautiful smile.”_

Those were the first words Amaya spoke to Hinata.

Oh, how things can change in three hundred and sixty-five days.

“Oh my- GWAH! Did you see that block?! That was amazing!” Hinata directed his excited shriek half at the television and half at his boyfriend who sat on the couch next to him. Adrenaline coursed through Hinata’s body as his fists pumped in the air, rejoicing at the amazing power he witnessed through the screen. His cheeks were pink with excitement as his eyes darted over to reach Amaya’s face, hoping to find an expression similar to his own.

“Shouyou, shut _up,_ oh my God,” Hinata’s heart sank instantly at the words. Amaya’s un-amused frown was hidden behind his phone but Hinata didn’t need to remove the piece of technology to know it was there. His shoulders slumped and he offered a quiet “ _sorry”_ to which his boyfriend threw back a quick _“s’fine.”_

“Shou, if you’re still so interested in volleyball, why don’t you join the team at school?”

Hinata had never really discussed his history in volleyball with Amaya and he wasn’t exactly sure why. It just hadn’t come up, he supposed. Even just _hearing_ someone utter the “V Word” aloud made his heart race and every single time he felt stupid for still getting just as excited about the sport as he used to in high school.

“I, uh… I dunno.” Hinata began, suddenly soft-spoken and cautious with his words. “I just... I know it won’t be the same as it was back then...”

The expression his words left on Amaya’s face warned Hinata that he hadn’t chosen correctly and the redhead gulped in the silence of their apartment.

“Well, _duh_.” His boyfriend scoffed in a bored-yet-annoyed tone. “But it might help you release some of the energy that’s constantly pouring out of you. I honestly can’t do it by myself.”

~

After a week of mulling it over, Hinata found himself at the entrance of the volleyball gym.

His college was a huge place; so huge, in fact, that he had never even _walked_ past this part of campus before. The all-too-familiar smell of rubber and sweat trickled out the gymnasium door and slammed into Hinata with such force that he stumbled back. The redhead closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and padded his feet quietly up the concrete steps before he could overthink it.

As soon as his feet hit the yellow-orange wood, his eyes darted across the room, searching. For what, though, he had no idea.

Although the gym itself looked nothing like his practice space in high school, it gave off the same aura. Just existing in the room filled Hinata with an intense nostalgia that almost brought tears to his eyes. God, he missed his old team.

"Hello there!" A friendly voice called out, making Hinata turn back toward the entrance he just came from. His eyes met warm brown orbs similar to his own, but the blue hair resting above them was definitely different. "Looking to join the volleyball club?"

Another student - blonde and tall like Tsukishima but much less of an asshat - soon joined their conversation. Blue Hair (who's name Hinata had _already_ forgotten - damn you, short attention span) asked if Hinata had ever played or been part of a team. Both new faces were impressed to hear that he went to Karasuno and remembered their victory over Shiritorizawa with fond approval. 

"We're actually in need of a middle blocker, if you're interested," Tall Blonde (Hinata _really_ needed to work on remembering people's names) offered cheerfully. Hinata's heart soared - actually _soared -_ at those words and his lips shouted "Ahh! YES!" before he could even consider his options.

"Keep it down, dumbass!" A voice shouted from the court.

"Make me, Bakageyama!" Hinata shouted back without missing a beat.

_Wait._

Silence. The gym was completely silent around him.

_WAIT._

Hinata turned around so quickly that his teeth clanked together in his head. Wide and disbelieving, his eyes searched the court and what they found was none other than Kageyama Tobio.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the freak duo, at it again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i actually got kinda emotional while writing this chapter... like, kageyama and hinata's friendship just blesses my soul every time i think about it and UGH I'M SOBBING
> 
> hmu on tumblr if that's ur thing --> kageyama-drama.tumblr.com

Honestly, Hinata had no way to describe the burning hot feeling that pounded through his chest.

It wasn't the pre-match anxiety that he used to suffer from so badly he would vomit. It wasn't the fear he felt before an important test that he knew he hadn't studied enough for. It was something else entirely. It was so intense that he thought it might knock him flat on his back.

He felt like he had traveled back in time and the two of them were still at Karasuno, bickering about who came first in their race to the club room. The small redhead slid the palm of his hand across the side of his neck until it rested it on the nape and nervously rubbed the exposed skin.

This _had_ to be a daydream or… something else. There was no other way everything inside him could fall back into place so suddenly just by _looking_ at someone.

Hinata hadn’t seen or even spoken to Kageyama since their last day of high school. Over 72 weeks had passed since he’d played volleyball. Exactly _five hundred and six_ _days_ since he’d looked directly into the deep blue of Kageyama Tobio and it stared right back.

… Not that he had counted the days or anything.

Hinata had imagined the outcome of his reunion with the setter many times before.

His first (and most realistic) assumption was that their paths would cross on a holiday break back home from college when the old team decided to get together for dinner. It would be awkward and quiet and neither of them would say much.

The realism went completely downhill from there, however.

Some scenarios involved Kageyama calling him late at night (sometimes Hinata imagined that alcohol had persuaded the setter into it, other times Kageyama had just naturally become more in-touch with his emotions). He would tell Hinata that he missed him and that volleyball hadn’t been the same without him.

The others veered away from “daydream” and verged into nightmare territory when the duo either: a) never saw each other again, b) Kageyama confessed to quitting volleyball because he was just as much of a coward as Hinata, or c) they bumped into each other one day, Kageyama looked him straight in the eye and didn't even remember him. That one sent chills down Hinata’s spine every single time.

Out of all the scenarios Hinata had made up prior to the day he decided to join the college volleyball team, not a single one of them came to fruition. What happened instead, though, was something Hinata hadn’t once considered, even in his wildest dreams.

_“Keep it down, dumbass!”_

_“Make me, Bakageyama!”_

Those seven words hung in the air around them as both athletes unconsciously moved step by step until Kageyama was _right there_. Close enough to touch.

Hinata made a conscious effort to hold himself back; for some reason his entire body screamed at him to lunge forward, but he stopped himself. Kageyama’s face was characteristically blank but the genuine surprise of the moment caused his lips to part ever so slightly.

“Kage-” The first two syllables were all that Hinata could get out before the air in his lungs was forcibly (and involuntarily) _whooshed_   away. He opened his eyes and saw long, muscular arms wrapped around him – Kageyama was _hugging_ him.

The setter’s eyes were clenched tightly closed and Hinata couldn’t stop his own eyes from doing the same. Their embrace didn’t last nearly long enough, but when they pulled apart, Kageyama’s hands (were they shaking as much as Hinata’s were?!) didn’t leave the redhead’s shoulders.

“H-Hinata,” The name fell from Kageyama’s mouth while his eyes searched Hinata’s face for something Hinata couldn’t pinpoint.

“Hey,” Hinata let out in a shaky exhale, his lips quivering up into a smile. Kageyama smiled back.

“So, uh, you two know each other?” Tall Blonde chuckled awkwardly as he and a few other members of the team joined them on the court, successfully ripping both Karasuno graduates out of their shared trance.

The pair laughed it off, explaining the history they shared in high school and then tried their best to avoid unnecessary eye contact for the rest of practice.

 ~

Hinata wasn’t sure if the credit was due to him and Kageyama, muscle memory, or some weird combination of the two but by the time their first practice ended, he was fairly certain he had just witnessed something supernatural. Not only had he and his setter seamlessly jumped right back into playing volleyball together, but their quick attack – yes _that_ one – from high school was almost as good as it was the last time they attempted it.

Despite not even touching a volleyball for over a year, Hinata’s small body soared through the air like he was fifteen years old again. Kageyama’s all-around technique had improved tremendously; Hinata was convinced that the ferocity of his serve had surpassed Oikawa’s by a longshot (and made sure to yell just that out when he witnessed his old friend’s new skills for the first time) to which Kageyama blushed like a madman.

After his new coach flicked off the last light switch and pulled the double doors shut behind them, Hinata and Kageyama were finally and truly alone. Stepping seamlessly back into their old routine, Hinata bounced beside the setter as they walked away from the building, loudly proclaiming over and over how _mind-blowing_ the day had been. Everything was exactly how it used to be; the air around them bubbled with a warm enthusiasm just like it always had (and always should). Hinata couldn’t recall the last time he had experienced a happiness as overwhelming as this.

“So, did you just… transfer here or something?” Kageyama asked, a hint of shyness in his voice as they turned a corner. Leftover rain droplets shimmered on the surface of Hinata’s blue bicycle from where it was chained to a rack in the distance. Hinata selfishly hoped that the distance between them and his mode of transportation would drag on as long as it could.

“Nope!” Hinata replied flicking a small stone ahead of them with the toe of his shoe, still giddy from the successful practice behind them, “I’ve been here since last August.”

As soon as the words left his mouth, Hinata felt Kageyama’s presence disappear beside him. He stopped walking and looked back to find the dark haired boy completely motionless, eyes fixed on the ground. The expression on his face was one Hinata didn’t think he’d ever seen Kageyama make before.

“What… the hell.” The words crept slowly but viciously out of Kageyama’s throat – too low to be considered a whisper but too quiet to be a shout.

Hinata opened his mouth to question his friend, confused as to why Kageyama’s mood had plummeted so quickly and what caused it. Before he could even release a sound, Kageyama jumped back into action.

“You’ve been here this whole time?! Why didn’t you… How…” Kageyama sputtered like a car running out of fuel until his voice was barely audible. Hinata stepped closer, hoping it would help his ears catch any discernible phrases spilling out of his setter’s mouth. “Did you know I was here, then? Did you… really hate playing with me that much?”

Hinata’s gut twisted as he finally recognized the expression on Kageyama’s face.

 _Loneliness._ _Betrayal._

That same heartbreaking face he made all those years ago whenever someone called him “King” or reminded him of his team abandoning him.

Hinata had told himself back in high school that he would do whatever it took to make sure Kageyama never made that face again. And yet, here he was _causing_ it. He leapt forward and wrapped both of his small hands around Kageyama’s forearms and pulled him down so their eyes could meet.

“Whoa, wait! I had no idea you were here, Kageyama!” The redhead shouted, his fingertips buzzing with emotion as they held onto his friend for dear life. Kageyama stared back at him, a blush creeping up his neck and seeping into his cheeks. “I always loved playing with you and I still do! I had more fun with you today than I’ve had in, like, _months_!”

“M-me too!” Kageyama blurted out, the words jumping out of his lips like he was trying to hold them back and push them out at the same time. A smile soon formed on his face and his eyes crinkled at the edges, watching Hinata’s face melt into a similar smile.

“Um, Shou?” A dark, shrill voice broke the comfortable silence between them and Hinata’s entire body recoiled away from Kageyama in a panic.

A dark blue pickup truck slowed to a stop next to them on the pavement and they both peered through the open window, although Hinata already knew exactly who it was.

“A- Amaya!” Hinata shouted way too loudly. “I didn’t realize you were picking me up today!”

Kageyama stood awkwardly beside Hinata, trying as hard as he could to ignore the way the redhead was not-so-subtly inching farther and farther away from him.

“Who is _this_?” Amaya spat out the last word, clearly deciding right from the get-go that he didn’t like Hinata’s new/old friend.

“Oh! Amaya, this is Kageyama Tobio! He was on my high school volleyball team with me! Turns out he goes here too and-”

“Nice to meet you, Kageyama,” The dark haired boy interrupted. As he extended his arm out the car window and tightly grasped the setter’s hand, Hinata scurried over to the bike rack and gathered his cycle before struggling to lift it into the bed of the pickup. Kageyama noticed the small redhead's difficulty with the bike and shifted his weight to break the handshake, hoping he could help Hinata lift the large object. Instead of letting his hand escape, the man inside the truck clamped down harder, never breaking eye contact with Kageyama. “I’m Amaya, Hinata’s boyfriend.”

“N- Nice to meet you.”

By that point, Hinata had finished packing away his bike and the silence between the three of them was deafening as he shuffled between the sidewalk and the vehicle.

“Well, uh… I’ll see you tomorrow?” The redhead turned his back on his boyfriend and made one last bit of eye contact with Kageyama. He tossed the setter a small smile, hoping he would understand it as an unspoken act of apology for his boyfriend’s rudeness.

Kageyama didn’t reply aloud, he simply nodded before the redhead opened the truck’s door and climbed inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the drama is only just beginning folks


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chap includes minor violence and also implies sex that wasn't entirely consensual?? idk man this is a mess
> 
> please approach with caution

Hinata watched Kageyama in the reflection of the side view mirror with only his eyes; he made sure his head faced forward so Amaya wouldn’t notice. Kageyama hadn't moved an inch. Hinata could tell Kageyama was watching his face as the truck moved farther and farther down the road.

If the redhead was honest with himself, he knew that Amaya hadn’t come to mind _once_ during practice or on his walk with Kageyama. It was almost like his boyfriend had completely disappeared despite the fact that Amaya had never left his mind once in over a year. If Amaya knew how swept away Hinata had allowed himself to be by Kageyama's presence – just the thought of it made Hinata shiver – he wasn’t sure how his boyfriend would react. That scared the shit out of him.

_Amaya_ scared the shit out of him.

“You two seemed quite friendly back there…” The tone of Amaya’s voice wavered between rage and an eerie calm. He was testing him. Hinata already knew that he needed to choose his words carefully.

“Oh, really?” The redhead coughed, his eyes still fixed on the tiny dot of Kageyama he could see on the horizon. If he would just _turn around_ already, Hinata would be able to tear his eyes away. But there they both were, having a standoff from such a huge (and growing) distance.  _Why is he still watching me?_

“I mean he just-”

“'Kageyama', was it?” Amaya interrupted his boyfriend for the second time that day as he turned his truck onto a quiet residential street. The road was paved but badly damaged; there were potholes scattered up and down the block. Amaya continued to question his boyfriend as his tires bumped and scraped over the large gaps in the concrete, “You’ve never mentioned him.”

Hinata’s pulse quickened as he realized the truth in his boyfriend’s words. He hadn’t told Amaya about Kageyama. He thought about his old friend on a daily basis, but had never even spoken his name to the man he now lived with. It felt like the two of them weren’t meant to exist in the same universe together. Whatever that meant, though, Hinata had no idea.

People weren’t supposed to talk about past relationships once they got into new ones, right? That was all Hinata was doing. This wasn’t sketchy. He had no reason to feel guilty.

Hinata reminded himself of the fact that he and Kageyama’s relationship never moved past “teammates” or “best friends” and then told himself that it didn’t matter. _Past unrequited loves could squeeze into the “unspoken topics” category, too, okay?_

Hinata took a silent gulp to steel his nerves before attempting to defend himself.

“I mean… that makes sense! We were rivals.” The words flowed from Hinata’s lips and he was thankful that this was happening now and not a year ago. Over the past months, he had become very good at calming himself under pressure so he could turn a bad situation into a better one. “We never got along. I hated him and he definitely didn't like me, either.”

Those last two sentences jumped from his mouth without his permission and when he actually heard them, his heart twisted in his chest. _That wasn’t a lie. I_ _hated him at the beginning. And he never liked me - not in the same way I liked him._

_I'm telling the truth._

Amaya didn’t need to know that Hinata’s negative feelings toward Kageyama were short-lived. Amaya didn't need to know that Hinata's rivalry with Kageyama quickly ushered in a partnership filled with admiration, pride, and love. That was all in the past now, anyway. It shouldn't affect his new relationship - he was totally and completely over Kageyama.

The truck came to a quick stop and Hinata looked up, expecting to see their apartment complex. Instead, he saw a stop sign and empty road. _Why did Amaya stop the car?_ His heart hammered in his chest yet again, unsure of what was happening. 

Hinata's eyes drifted from the red sign, across the vehicle’s dashboard, and further still until he met Amaya’s eyes. The sun had set; the only thing illuminating his boyfriend’s figure was the reflection of the headlights bouncing off the concrete.

“You sure about that, Shou?” Amaya’s face was haunting.

The darkness of the car camouflaged Amaya’s arm so well that the redhead didn't even flinch; by the time he could react, the large hand was already latched onto his shoulder with terrifying ferocity. The redhead cried out in a mixture of pain and fear.

“Yes, yes of course!” Hinata’s shaky hand darted up to clutch onto his boyfriend’s, trying desperately to remove the pressure he knew had already left a bruise. “Why would I lie to you? I love you!”

The dark haired boy relaxed his grip and a smile crept onto his features. Hinata immediately smiled back, lip quivering subtly enough that his partner didn't notice.

“I love you too, Shou.” Amaya’s hand dragged threateningly down the redhead’s arm, past the elbow and down his forearm until it stopped at Hinata’s thigh, squeezing suggestively as he added, “Let’s go home.”

Hinata's blood ran cold at the new expression that inhabited his boyfriend's face. He knew exactly what that look meant and he tried his best to clear his mind; to prepare himself. His breath came out quick and ragged. He had managed to resolve the situation slightly, but he would still pay for it later.

Hinata was never prepared for going home with Amaya after a fight like this.

~

 

"You wash up first," Amaya moaned breathlessly before flopping down on his side of the bed. Hinata left a submissive kiss on Amaya's cheek before scurrying out from under the blankets. Before Hinata could make his way out of the room, Amaya stretched out his arm and slapped his ass harshly, receiving a pained yelp in response. Amaya laughed wholeheartedly.

"Sorry I had to be so rough with you, Shou, but you belong to me. Don't make me remind you again."  Amaya's face held a smile, but his eyes were dark and deadly serious.

"Of course, 'Maya. I'm sorry." Hinata smiled softly at his boyfriend before moving his eyes to stare at the floor guiltily, "I love you."

He stopped in the kitchen and retrieved his cell phone from his bag before locking himself inside their shared bathroom. Letting out a shaky breath, he checked his phone and was surprised to see he had a notification.

 

**-Text Message-**

**From: unknown number**  

**7:22pm:**

**hey.** **sorry if i made things weird with your boyfriend earlier**

 

**-Text Message-**

**From: unknown number**

**7:30pm:**

**im really glad we can play together again**

 

**-Text Message-**

**From: unknown number**

**7:43pm:**

**shit this is kageyama by the way. got your # from coach**

 

Hinata smiled down at the message. Kageyama didn't need to explain who he was, Hinata could never forget the awkward way his friend wrote out text messages. No emojis or acronyms or anything? What was he, 80 years old? Hinata stifled a giggle as he saved the Karasuno graduate's number and composed his reply.

 

**-Text Message-**

**To: kageyama**

**8:20pm:**

**dw, it's ok!!** **& i'm glad too! (volleyball emoji)**

**c u 2morrow 4 practice, kageyama :)**

 

As Hinata pressed send, he turned the shower on and stretched from head to toe; every muscle in his body ached, every inch of skin felt dirty. A wave of something that felt like shame and embarrassment flooded over him as he surveyed himself in a nearby mirror. He told himself (not for the first time) that he was insane for feeling uncomfortable about having sex with his boyfriend.

_We love each other,_ Hinata told himself, _this is what couples do_.

**Author's Note:**

> hmu on tumblr if that's your thing --> kageyama-drama.tumblr.com


End file.
